So, this whole education thing has been bothering be for a while. It seems that there is a tremendous misplacing of emphasis in the Christian community on the value and prominence of education in life and I’m not talking theological education. There is an appearance that many Christian parents value a good education (both middle and high school as well as college) over their child’s place in the kingdom. Probably this results from the parents concern that their child be able to gain a good employment and a steady means of income so that they do not have to live with the parents for the rest of their days. But, which kingdom holds sway in the end?
It is not uncommon for Christian parents to give their children a choice about participating in kingdom activities, while insisting that the child be in school and attend college. I’ve known many a parent who would restrict a child from a church activity (even student worship) because of poor grades, but never known a single parent who refused their child the Friday night football game because they had neglected their daily devotions. Many parents ask Little Johnny or Little Suzy if they want to go to the church’s youth retreat, but force them to go to band camp. And what is to be made of the parent who assents to the child’s not wanting to go to church, but would never assent to the same excuse made about school on Monday morning? Yes, I’m aware that there is some exaggeration to make a point, but it isn’t much.
Of all the excuses that I have heard, the one that has always just killed me is, “Well, if I force them to go to church now, they will not want to go when they are older.” If there needs to be one single example of the spirit of the age invading the church, this is it.
Scripture is explicit that it is the responsibility of the parents to raise children in the nurture and teaching of the Lord. The Lord informed the children of Israel that He desired “Godly seed.” It has never been God’s plan that Christian parents give their children an option toward Godliness, but that Christian parents lead and train in that respect. There are more than enough temptations abounding in the public school and college arenas through which kids have to negotiate on their own without the weight of inconsistent parents who don’t have a spiritual clue themselves. I’ve long believed that kids, rather than rejecting God and church, are actually rejecting the God and church of their parents, a quasi-religious Christian faith that was only exercised 1 hour of the week, never being witnessed in the home or in any practical sense. (This is not to say that all kids who abandon the faith have unfaithful parents, only that that particular diagnosis seems to be overlooked.) Several years ago I spoke with a high school junior who, up until that point, had been as faithful in attendance as her unfaithful mom would allow. She was really struggling with the the reality of faith, when she looked at me and said, “If what my Mother has is Christianity, then I don’t want it.” Case closed.
When our going-on-23 daughter was fifteen, she informed Sonya and I that she wanted to spend the summer in Canada doing missions. Not with a church trip, mind you, but she wanted to go and be a part of something that anyone was doing that would impact the kingdom. So, at the tender age of 16, she boarded a Northwest Airlines flight alone out of Atlanta to spend 7 weeks in Calgary to participate in Crossover Alberta and whatever else she was requested to do. She did the same thing for 7 or 8 weeks the summer of her 17th year. I’m praying now with out son that he, now 16, will spend some time this summer immersed in a kingdom opportunity somewhere.
It seems that there are too many kingdom opportunities that parents are letting slip through the cracks in relation to their kids. Do we remember that they are not our kids after all? Before our kids were even born, we had offered them to the Lord for His service to do whatever He desired. If He want to place them nationally, internationally or locally that is His business. If He wants them married or single, that is His business. I think that churches may be facing an ongoing situation where parents are so flagrantly living according to the priorities of the world that pastors are assuming too much to think that they have any kingdom knowledge at all.
I have a growing concern that the willingness of Christian parents to consistently prioritize the educational realm unwittingly pushes their children into an environment where philosophical naturalism has the upper hand. It is as if parents, with the constant push for “good grades” are setting their kids up for spiritual failure, if education is not taught within the total framework of Christian living. My hope would be that parents would awaken to the fact that kingdom living, not Phi Kappa Beta, is the priority of God’s economy. That knowing God, not knowing trig, is the bearer of eternal fruit and that the missio dei trumps summa cum laude every time.
Wow. Bullseye (insert exclamation point there … I can’t bring my self to do that and alienate Wade B).
Comment by Bob Cleveland — October 29, 2007 @ 2:50 pm
Good stuff Marty. Sadly, I don’t think you’re exaggerating much at all with your examples.
I’ll tell you, if there’s one thing that terrifies me most as a parent… it’s the thought of failing in raising my kids to truly know God. I think I can learn to live with just about anything else.
Comment by John Stickley — October 29, 2007 @ 3:04 pm
Last year, I was at a Little League T-Ball game with my son. It was one of those games where the parents and grandparents all attend. It was in the Spring and we had a cold front descend upon us and it started to rain. The rain was cold and puddles quickly formed on the field. The wind was blowing and I was fairly miserable, but the kids seemed to be having a good time. There was no lightning, so the league let the game continue.
I noticed moms and grandmas laughing and cheering their 5 year old boys on as they ran the bases and jumped into the freezing cold puddles of water around the field. Within a short time, everyone was drenched and chilled to the bone. I laughed to myself and thought about how great it was to be a little boy and about how much fun they were having. And then, a thought struck me . . .
Many of the these same families were likely churchgoing families. How many of these mothers and grandmothers would have their 5 year old boys doing something ministry related in the freezing rain with the howling wind plastering their shirts to their soaking wet bodies? I can hear it now: “Get my baby out of that nasty weather! He’ll catch his death from cold!” If we had had some type of outreach planned that day, how many of these same families would have attended? Very few, I would imagine.
I spoke about it the next day in my message. If you bring your kids to the ball field and let them play in inclement weather, but you will not do the same with ministry related activities, then what message are you sending? You are saying that it is alright to sacrifice and risk sickness for sports, but not for the advance of the gospel. You send a message to your kids that ministry is optional while we need to sacrifice for sports. This message is being sent by Christian parents and we are helping to erect invisible idols that are completely acceptable under the guise of “family time.”
I am all for sports, but we have to make sure the we don’t teach our kids to sacrifice for sports while they make their devotion to Christ optional. Just some thoughts.
Comment by Alan Cross — October 29, 2007 @ 6:56 pm
My Mom forced me to eat vegetables and look both ways before I crossed the street. I never seem to have rebelled at that in my “old age” (42).
Comment by Chuck Bryce — October 30, 2007 @ 11:48 am
Alan-
I’ll probably quote you in a message soon.
John-
Example, example, example. Live it, don’t just talk it, but talk it every chance you get.
Comment by Marty Duren — October 30, 2007 @ 1:33 pm
Wow! We sure had some mean parents, didn’t we? Eating veggies, cleaning our room, making our bed, saying “yes sir” and “no sir.” It’s a wonder we survived at all!
God help us to have more parents that care more about the spiritual growth of their children and less about the things of earth. I agree. Sports are great–I played baseball from the time I was 6 years old until high school. But, I never doubted where I would be at 9:45 AM on Sunday morning–I would be in Bible Study! And yes, after having been told that I would read my lesson on Saturday night. Mean parents!
Comment by Steve — October 31, 2007 @ 2:42 pm
AMEN!!! ON POINT!!!
It may be a bit unfair for me to comment on this one as we drag our children around the world, but it seems that we should make the priority discipling our children to be followers of Jesus and, praise the Lord, allow His grace to educate them in the rest of it. That verse we used to sing and have memorized comes to mind… seek first His kingdom and righteous and all these things will be added unto you….
Comment by Bryan Riley — October 31, 2007 @ 5:14 pm
AS always, you are right on target, Marty. Don’t stop writing. You challenge, inform, and encourage us. Yet another post that really got me going. I’m with you all the way.
Comment by Joel — October 31, 2007 @ 5:23 pm
Great article! Marty, can I get permission to pass the link to this post along to the parents of my students in the youth ministry I lead?
Thanks for writing!
Comment by Ryan — November 16, 2007 @ 12:44 am
Ryan-
Absolutely! Thanks for reading.
Comment by Marty Duren — November 17, 2007 @ 3:37 pm