Years ago, Focus on the Family (I think), deemed that October should forever be Pastor Appreciation Month. As a pastor, I really like this emphasis as it has become the impetus for cards, calls and gifts received throughout the month. I ain’t complaining.
Today, I’d like to focus on the person at our church who makes Pastor Appreciation Month possible for me: Sonya Duren, my wife. If it wasn’t for her I don’t think I could survive from October to October to receive all the appreciations.
When Sonya and I were dating, I made the grievous error of buying a book about the pastor’s wife by some well meaning woman who was obviously writing from a context of the 1950’s or maybe even the 1940’s. It nearly scared her to death. I’m not sure why she decided to go ahead and marry me, but she did and has never tried to match up to the cookie cutter model advocated in the book. She is the perfect wife for me.
She doesn’t sing in the choir or play the piano, she’s never led VBS or taught kids Sunday school and she sits on the back row during church. But, for me and a number of women in our church she is a repository of wisdom. She’s read the Bible completely through more times than I’ve started. She’s in her 16th year of homeschooling our three kids, with the only graduate (so far) from the Duren Home School graduating in December from Georgia State University with a degree in Philosophy and a 3.8 GPA. Not bad for a teacher who only took one college class.
If there is a spiritual gift of hospitality then she has it. She is a marvelous interior designer who frequents Hobby Lobby and yard sales for our home decor. I’ve often joked with our congregation that, “We’ve probably got some of your stuff hanging on our walls.” Our home has a warmth that is recognized and commented on by guests. She has a great eye for color and has more plans for remodeling our yard than we could accomplish in 10 lifetimes. If we ever build another house, she has a notebook crammed with pictures and ideas torn from Southern Living and House Beautiful. She could give Ty Pennington a run for his money.
She’s gone with me on many adventures, some of which she was more than a little uncertain when we started, but we’ve managed to go together and stay together. From small church to mega church to medium church to not sure about church, she’s always been with me and I’ve never once thought that she might leave.
There’s no place that I’d rather be than in a north Georgia or North Carolina cabin making love to Sonya Duren. If marriage is about the completion of two people, then there can be no doubt that these two puzzle pieces were meant for each other. She is the love of my life and I’m taking this moment to say, “Happy Pastor’s Wife Appreciation Month, honey.”
Great thoughts. I am convinced that the only reason our church has put up with me is they know when I go, Sara goes also.
Our calling may be the only job that when we get done we stand at the back and listen to people tell us how good we are. Our wives don’t often get that kind of feedback. And they deserve it certainly more than we ever do.
Comment by Tom Bryant — October 15, 2007 @ 4:57 pm
A fantastic post, Marty. Thank you for sharing your heart publicly.
Comment by Bryan Riley — October 15, 2007 @ 8:20 pm
I’ve never met Sonya, but having spent a week in the desert with her husband I know she has to be a saint. ;>)
Great post…
Comment by Brian Watkins — October 15, 2007 @ 8:45 pm
Your lovely bride and I must have received the same book. I remember when Ronnie and I were first engaged, he bought me a “handbook” for minister’s wives. A few days later, I called him in tears telling him that we couldn’t get married–that I wasn’t the right one for him. For this daughter of a single, professional woman with three kids, the description of afternoon teas, dinner parties, and picture-perfect family management filled my head like a “Leave It to Beaver” nightmare. Needless to say, Ronnie told me to ditch the book and marry him instead. I am so glad I did! The book still sits on my bookshelf, though, as a reminder to be who God made me to be: nothing more, nothing less. Thanks for sharing these personal reflections, Marty.
Comment by Emily Hunter McGowin — October 15, 2007 @ 9:20 pm
You can’t be talking about making love to your wife on your blog!
Seriously, we’re like kids here. We know you do it, but we like to pretend like it doesn’t happen. At the very least, we don’t want mental images, so please just keep that stuff to yourselves.
;)
Seriously, Sonya’s awesome and it’s great that you are so readily compelled to shout that from the mountaintops. That tells a lot about your marriage.
Congrats.
Comment by Art Rogers — October 16, 2007 @ 10:59 pm
Art-
Too late; the deed is done.
Emily-
That’s hysterical. They should have a ceremony and burn those things to the glory of God.
Comment by Marty Duren — October 17, 2007 @ 5:40 am